I've been hiding from you.

I've been using a filter.

I'm coming out of hiding.

What's on my mind this week:

• Two weeks ago, we lost Jarlath. Jarlath didn't hide.
• How I learned to listen and validate people I disagree with
• I think designers who can analyze data have persuasion superpowers
• Why is it so hard to do great work at scale?
• A curious metaphorical travel guide to creative problem-solving

Out of hiding

I've been hiding from you. Most of what you get in this newsletter goes through a filter because I am afraid. I'm not afraid of what you will think of me. I'm not afraid of my assertions or beliefs. I'm not afraid of speaking my mind. I'm afraid that if I don't use a filter, I might unintentionally screw up.

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When I worked for someone else, I was ok screwing up. Working for myself, though, it's been difficult to do the same. Somehow, I've felt more responsibility to show up in a certain way. I think a lot of that comes from the noise we're all surrounded by. Our inboxes, feeds, and streams are filled with stories, tips, best practices, mantras, steps, frameworks, and use cases to be a better designer, creative, entrepreneur, dad, partner, friend, leader, eater, doer, thinker, citizen, and human. The pressure to get it right is immense.

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It's impossible to get it right. It's impossible for me not to screw up. It's impossible to hide my foolishness.

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I have ADHD. Throughout my adult life, I have had to overcompensate in every aspect just to make communicating with others easier. I spend an inordinate amount of time and energy editing, re-writing, and re-editing each post you get in your inbox. Each newsletter is the result of HOURS of work. All the routines, structures, and materials I've created while working for myself result from my overcompensating.

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Hiding from you has taken a considerable toll on me. It has led me to limit what I share with you. It has led me to overcompensate and remove much of myself within my writing. If I'm honest, I think the writing is fair but not my best. It's not writing I'm proud of. It doesn't represent who I am or what I'm about.

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I like working with people who aren’t afraid to be themselves. I like working with people who are open to changing themselves. They're not overbearing or pushy. They can be direct and kind at the same time. I like working with people with whom I don't need to hide.

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When I work with people I like working with, each one tells me that they would like the same from me. They like it when I am direct and kind. They tell me how it's different from what they see in their inboxes, feeds, streams, Slacks, and DMs. They appreciate me being my full self. I have to do this.

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I can't hide anymore. I can't spend this energy anymore. And I don't want to fill your inbox with yet another email that sounds like it was generated by someone who is standing on the other side of a glass wall from you. You get enough of that already.

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My friend Jarlath embraced a filterless life. He was brilliant, yet a fool. He was soft, yet powerful. I am embracing the screw-ups because I am so much more than what is behind this filter. I am thankful Jarlath reminded me as much.

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Cheers,
R